Monday, June 22, 2009

10 ways Breaking Dawn the movie could either rake in major box-office bucks or epically fail

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA - MAY 31:  Actress Kristen ...Image by Getty Images via Daylife

*SPOILER ALERT* if you havent read Breaking Dawn Dont read the following
I found this hilarious artical today tell us what do you think after reading it.

1. Bella and Edward's Wedding

Bella and Edward's WeddingThe wedding and first 100 pages of Breaking Dawn is, without a doubt, the most entertaining part of the book. It’s like old style Twilight, with every character acting as they should (except for Edward and the garter ... weird much?), and the ever-present Bella-Edward-Jacob love triangle. Unfortunately, the most anticipated event since the Millennium is over all too quickly and things start to get worse as soon as our vampire and his bride reach their honeymoon destination, the Isle Esme. When Breaking Dawn is finally made into a movie, more emphasis should be put into the wedding: It’s the last time a lot of fans felt like they were reading The Twilight Saga and not some dodgy fan-fic found on the Internet.

2. The "Sex" Scenes

Yep, you read that right. Bella and Edward finally get it on, in what can only be described as the most absent sex scene written since the 1900s. The act itself is merely implied, with the only proof it happened some broken headboards and bitten pillows. Oh, and a very bruised Bella. How they’ll portray this in the movie is anyone’s guess, and no doubt complaints of abuse and domestic violence are a big fear of everyone involved with the movie. If it stays rated PG-13 like its predecessors, ardent fans of Bella and Edward can kiss goodbye to their much adored night of passion. Sorry kids, it’s still implication only.

3. Jacob's Third of the Book

Werewolf Jacob takes center stage for a third of the book in what is arguably the best section of the entire 800-page tome. He’s funny, realistic, and probably the only one in the book to actually stay in character. If you were a member of Team Edward before, I guarantee you’ll rethink your loyalty after reading Part 2. The young Jacob Black is seriously that endearing, redeeming what is an otherwise tiresome read. Look for Taylor Lautner to take center stage on the movie posters — he’ll be carrying this one solo.

4. Renesmee's Birth

Normal births are painful, right? They hurt, they’re messy, and yet some women have them time and time again. Stephenie Meyer takes birthing to the next level in Breaking Dawn by having a giant baby literally crack its way out of mommy dearest. Bella’s spine breaks, leaving her writhing around like a beetle stuck on its back. Edward swoops in to the rescue and rips the baby out of Bella’s uterus with his bare-yet-sharp vampire teeth, then proceeds to turn his beloved into a vampire in order to save her fragile human life. PG-13? Uhh ... no, not so much.

5. Renesmee Carlie Cullen

Ignore the name for now, I’ll get to that soon enough. The idea that Bella and Edward could have a half-vampire, half-human baby is absurd, but to actually follow through on that idea is not only ridiculous but unnecessary. It turned Bella into a crazy, Rosalie-dependent robot and made Edward almost non-existent (more on that later). Renesmee is an annoying character and one that I have no desire to see immortalized on a DVD disc. Her accelerated growth and intelligence could prove to be quite a problem for casting agents, not to mention the poor director who has to work with a small child. Then there’s the topic of her name: Renesmee Carlie Cullen, a mishmash of Bella and Edward’s mothers’ (Renee and Esme) and fathers’ (Charlie and Carlisle) names. Eurgh.

6. A Major Lack OF Edward

We all know that Edward and Robert Pattinson are the driving forces behind this franchise, so what would happen if he ceased to exist for most of the fourth film? You’d have a problem, that’s for sure. In Breaking Dawn Edward is all but forgotten after the first 100 pages or so, and basically just mopes and moans whenever he pops up during the rest of the book. He’s a shadow of his former, chivalrous self and hardly utters a loving word to the girl he’s been waiting an eternity for. Summit would have to change this for the movie or Robert Pattinson may find himself strangely redundant. It’s no fun playing a vampire who’s lost his bite.

7. An Influx of Utterly Pointless Characters

Many new vampires get introduced during the latter part of Breaking Dawn. Unfortunately, though, none of them really do much of anything. Yes, they can be pretty entertaining at times, but they’re in no way crucial to the story development. If casting execs can only choose a handful of new characters to cast, my vote would go to Garrett, Kate, Peter, Charlotte, and Alistair. The others (yes, there are plenty more) are barely worth mentioning and should only be cast if Summit suddenly find itself with more cash, and time, than it needs.

8. The Absence of Action

Hardly anyone dies in Breaking Dawn. Come to think of it, hardly anyone fights or even breaks a sweat. The vampire Irina is the only fatality and, seeing as we’re only introduced to her in this book, no one really cares about her anyway. Meyer botched things up when it came to killing her characters, all of whom just live happily ever after. There’s no epic battle like in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. In fact, there isn’t a sharpened fang in sight. It’s simple: Movies need action or the audience gets bored. It looks like the screenwriter, Melissa Rosenberg, will have to do what she’s done with New Moon and tweak some scenes here and there in order to keep the fans awake.

9. Superfluous Plot Points that Go Nowhere

Bella’s power and J. Jenks. Both of these story developments are emphasized as important and crucial to the plot, yet neither really go anywhere. Yes, Bella saves everyone with her convenient shield that not even the most powerful of vampires can break, but it still wasn’t the revelation it should have been. If this is the reason that Edward can’t read Bella’s mind, I think I’d have preferred not knowing and making my own explanation — I’m sure it would have been better than a Lily Potter-esque love shield. The movie script will need to be edited better than the book or it’ll end up as an 8-hour timesink.

10. A Vampire War that’s Won by ... Talking?

When was the last time you saw bloodthirsty vampires back down because some friendlier vampires asked them to? Never, of course. That’s just not how it works in the world of the undead. They fight, they kill, then they go and toast to their night. They don’t stand around talking for half an hour before deciding they have better things to do. It’s something that can almost be overlooked in a book, but in a movie? No way. Something has to happen to keep the audience entertained, and a friendly chat ain’t going to cut it.
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